Britney Spears' Negative Role-Modeling Lessons

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT

This is an excerpt of an Open Letter to Britney Spears written several months before her divorce/child-custody battle hit the front pages of the news around the world. It's written by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach who hosts "Shalom in the Home" on The Learning Channel and is the author of several books, including Ten Conversations You Need to Have with Your Children.

The article begins by urging Britney to pay attention to the influence she is having on her own children and others. Rabbi Boteach's insights are well-taken -- and worth sharing here.

"But you now have two very young, innocent sons. It’s already going to be pretty tough on them, seeing that they will never have any recollection of their parents being together. All they’ll ever know is the divorce.

DIVORCE is hard on kids, Britney. I should know. My parents divorced when I was a boy of eight. That’s why it’s incumbent upon parents to do their best in the wake of a divorce to give their kids all the stability they can.

But you’re making it that much harder on your boys by allowing yourself to become a negative caricature. It’s amazing how fast our kids grow up. Soon your boys will be surfing the Internet. They’ll see a lot of photos of you in poses that no son should ever see his mother. The fact that so many young boys around America might download such pictures may not bother you. But one day these boys may be your own children, and that would be unconscionable.

SO I BESEECH you, Britney. You’re a very popular entertainer. Please act in a manner that will be an inspiration both to your kids and to ours.
You’re young enough to make real changes in your life, changes that would benefit you and your environment. You’re a woman of great influence, and what you say and do matters. Here are a few brief suggestions:

Try and be home with your kids at least five nights a week. I realize you are single now and would like to date. That’s understandable. No woman should have to be alone. But why not go out after the kids are in bed, or on weekends?

Have a relationship with a man who respects you and keep that relationship out of the public eye. This way you’ll be able to tell whether he’s dating you because he loves you or because he can get publicity off you.

Make sure your kids have a healthy relationship with their father. I realize you and Kevin Federline may be fighting over money right now. But don’t let the kids suffer because of it. Even after divorce, kids need two parents.

COVER UP. Try and dress in a manner that, should you have daughters, you would want them to dress. Modesty will lend you dignity, as Madonna has discovered.

Limit the visits to the nightclubs. They’re often meat markets that aren’t conducive to dignified living. Also, it messes up your next day, seeing as they only get going very late at night. And people drink pretty heavily at clubs. As a mom you have serious responsibilities that alcohol can impair.

I know you can get your life together, Britney. You’ve shown real promise in the past. As the Jewish sage Hillel said, “And if not me, then who? And if not now, when?”

God bless you,
Rabbi Shmuley Boteach"

Let's all remember that we are role models to our children during good times and bad. Using the challenges of divorce to bring out the traits we most want our children to emulate and learn from gives us a higher purpose at a very tough time. You won't regret serving your children in this way.

Wishing you continued success with your Child-Centered Divorce.
Rosalind

Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, has been facilitating relationship seminars and workshops for more than fifteen years. As a Certified Corporate Trainer and professional speaker, she now focuses her attention on coaching troubled families on how to create a "child-centered divorce." For other free articles on this subject, to receive her free ezine, and/or to order her book, How Do I Tell the Kids about the DIVORCE? A Create-a-Storybook Guide ™ to preparing your children -- with love, Rosalind invites you to visit her website, http://www.childcentereddivorce.com

© Rosalind Sedacca 2007 All rights reserved.